SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE THIS.
MUST UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE TO "WAIT".
MUST UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE NOT VERY IMPORTANT.

Bro Harvey talk to my parents just now. hmm. told them everything. I was scared of going home. lol. but.... do i have a choice? haha. reach home early. when i went to my parents room to greet my mom. the first thing she said. "LATER WE NEED TO TALK." lol. scary sia. after i change my clothes then she call me and followed her to the kitchen. lol. why in kitchen sia? can talk at the room right?. anyway. i thought she was going to shout or raise her voice but she talk to me ok lah. but loud ah the voice. hehe. we talk for 20mins? btw my father there also. hmm. we talk about lying. her (if i say her, you should know who is it.). why?. disappointed. shame. and my future. all in 20mins. i think less than 20mins. hehe.

basically, they understand that in my age, it ok to ligaw someone. they are not against me having a girlfriend. BUT! they say not in church. coz people like to kepo. got a lot of gossips. and i'm happy coz they are also thinking of her. they say that this issue should be secret. not the whole church know coz of her. they say that those people should think of what would HER feel knowing that other people are talking about what happen.

the negative part is about my lying. they say that when those people ask me, i should have told the truth. BUT! haha. they say they understand why i lied. because..... of course lah. i know those people won't agree so i will lie to them. of course i won't say YEAH! YEAH! WE TOGETHER! BREAK US UP. (lol. sarcastic sia). but thats what they say. they understand.

hmm. other parts i cannot tell. i need to tell her only. haha. sry. and a bit personal lah. and though i'm happy. i'm still depressed. jealous?... lol. sad.. never talk to her properly..

BY THE WAY. THIS IS MY FUCKING LAST POST!!!!!

I HATE YOU MARTHEO GENEREV MAALA VALERA!!!!!!

I'M A USELESS FUCKING SHIT!
I'M NUISANCE TO ANYONE AROUND ME!
FUCKING HATE MYSELF!
FUCKING PISSED TO HER! NOT YOU. HER!
I NEVER REPLY THEN DON'T DISTURB ME.
SEE WHAT HAPPEN NOW!
AARRGGHH!!!
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BLAME YOU.
BUT WHAT YOU DID WAS THE ONLY REASON FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.
I WANT TO TALK TO HER. BUT I CAN'T.
YOU HOW THAT FEELS?
FUCKING HATE THIS WEEK!
I'M NOT GOING CHURCH TMR.
SUNDAY ALSO IF POSSIBLE.
I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
BUT I FUCKING HATE MYSELF COZ I CAN'T.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING.
I DON'T WANT TO BE CLUELESS.
I DON'T WANT TO BE IGNORANT.

hmm. i hope you can....
trust me more than you trust anyone..
love me more than you love anyone..
miss me more than you miss anyone..
care for me more than you care for anyone..
think of me more than you think of anyone..

i know you love me. i know you care. (lol. justin bieber)
but what is love if you don't trust me?..
i know i still have to WAIT..
i understand.

STILL WAITING.

woke up around 10.30. first thing came into my mind. MY HANDPHONE! hehe. got 5msgs and i think 4missed calls. all from NaNa. FINALLY! after one whole day of no connection. hahaha. im happy but not so happy lah. you know. yeah. that. hmm. so yeah. that one. haha. i replied and im slowly dozing off. then suddenly my handphone vibrate. haha. answered and its NaNa. so happy. haha. short talk. then her tchr came. so end of call.

afternoon she called again. yeah. we had a long talk. confessions. yeah. i was really sad. but i have to say that its ok. SORRY Na. I told her that I understand. hmm. I do understand because we're new and I experienced it for the 3rd time now. but I can't get myself to fully accept it. I know it takes time. so all I have to do is to "WAIT". again. haay.

another thing. i know that i love her. its not by appearance. its not lust. i know its not lust like some people says. but there is something. really. there is something I like or see in her that others don't. the problem is. i don't know how to explain. or i don't know how to say it. so i can't answer her properly. I don't know if people can see that I love her. I don't know if I'm showing it properly. I don't know if she can feel my love. but i know i love her. i really love her even though we've only been together for a short time. I'm sure that my love is not a FAKE LOVE. I'm sure that I love her because I love her. I REALLY DO LOVE HER. So someone tell me what is wrong? please.

and yet. another thing. i don't understand why there are things that i don't know about myself that others do. things that are spreading about me without me knowing that i did something bad. i'm not scared because i know i didn't do something wrong. its bothering me because i don't want people to judge me. and i don't want something to happen between me and her. i just want to know but again. i have to wait till saturday. :(

Now, I really can't sleep anymore. so many things happening. so many problems. i just want to be happy. i just to talk to her properly. i just want to see her. i just want to be free from all this burdens. i just want her to be happy. i just want her to see how much i love her. i just want everything to be fine. please. please. please. :( haay. i may look happy but deep inside i'm really bleeding......... like hell............ its good that nobody can see me right now.......

i sound so girly....

WWWAAAHHH!

today. when i woke up, i still have this feeling from ytd. i want to scream! shout! scold someone! and whack someone! im so frustrated! i just want to forget everything. i tried to make myself busy. and its so weird that im scolding myself every now and then. seriously. i look like a retard. and another stupid thing. her house no. called me and i didn't pick it up. i didn't notice that some was calling me. so fucked up sia. whole day never talk to her and when i have the chance im not able to notice it. ARRGGH! >:( dunno lah today short temper sia. im not happy. still have this burden and still thinking of what THEY ALL told me. still scared of what my parents might say and react when THEY ALL tell them.

so later part of the day when we were all eating dinner. suddenly.
my mom said this. "ytd, hindi ako nakapunta ng simbahan. sakit kasi ulo ko. lam niyo ba, dami ko napanaginipan. iba iba.".
im thinking "oh. ok." lol. here comes the shocking part!..
my mom said. (translated in English) "In my dream, there was... (im thinking who sia) sino ba yun. si CHIN CHIN, si stephanie (WHAT! ALMOST SWALLOWED A WHOLE CHICKEN NUGGET!). she's with Inay (she means my lola) and Belen. Everybody there. (she means all my relatives)"
then stupid therenz keep looking at me.
My father asked my mom. "bakit kaya? BAKA MAGIGING MANUGANG MO SIA!" then he laughed.
Im thinking. what the hell! maybe its just a coincidence.
so everybody keep quiet. therenz still looking at me.
after 10seconds. my mom ask. "Theo, NAGING KAYO BA NI STEPHANIE?"
im was wondering. "why are you asking me? you can ask therenz right? why me? you know something already is it?" then i just stared the other way in silence.
then she ask me the second time so what i did was tell them the truth. actually half truth. i said " OPOH, DATI"
Then my mom proudly say this. "SABI KO NA NGA BA EH! DAIG PA SI THERENZ"
she added " Kaya pala napapatingin sa akin ung bata. actually, last sunday. nakakaramdam na ako eh."
my mom knows or can feel everything. i think i get some of that from her.
then she ask. "when was it? bakit? ano nanyari sa inyo?"
i told her half of the story only. i said "mga 1 week lang kami, then her parents knew about it. told bro harvey and then you know. sis. nancy don't want those kind of relationship."
my mom said. "Kaya nga wag kayo pipili ng taga simbahan. look at levi, no problem coz nobody will kepo his life ( i said kepo coz i dunno how to translate. lol). kung sila brother ren nga pinakailaman. kayo pa kaya."
then my father said. "hindi n nadala c theo. it already happened last time and still want to repeat."
my mom ask. "what did you see in stephanie?"
i just keep quiet. i just dunno what to say. then i ask them. what's with brother ren?
they said. when they just started joining the church. the church like kepo to their life also. church say cannot be together and cannot do this, cannot do that. now never already. but you see how old brother ren and they still kepo. then i said. oh... ok....
then my mom told my father. "KAYA PALA MAGILIW SA ATIN SILA YOLLY" means sister yolly were lively around my parents. like talk to them nicely like that.
then my mom told me that they were disappointed that i never told them. but i can't tell them that it just happened ytd. still scared. lol.. i no ball. hahaha.

i felt a bit happy. like there was light. haha. now i can smile already. but im still scared of what they will say if they knew what really happened. what we and THEY ALL talked about. how i lied to my LEADERS... but atleast. still make me happy to see there reaction like that...

tmr. maybe brother ren going my house for bible study. anyways. I REALLY MISS HER SO MUCH! didn't talk to her today. im so clueless... haay. just hoping that there is something else tmr. even if its just a small talk. i just want to know if she is ok. if she is fine. AND I WANT TO SEE HER! maybe im still sad after all. but not so sad. hehe. ILOVE MY NaNa! I REALLY LOVE HER! JUST GIVE US THE CHANCE! PLEASE!

Na. bye na?

hmm. the most fucked up day ever. feel like shouting until my throat break. i feel like whacking someone. i feel like scolding someone. haay. i hate this day. i really hate this day. i wish that this day shouldn't have happened. My BIRTHDAY wish came true. but this is the price. the price is happening to me for the second time. and i know everyone saw me crying. i don't want to cry but can't help it. i can't hold it anymore. fuck. i feel so ashamed. haay. no mood to eat, to laugh or to smile. i just can't do it. even if i force it. i can't.

GOODBYE by SECONDHAND SERENADE

With this post...

700 VIEWS achieved.

WELL.

Today i found out that seeing you is not enough anymore. I want to talk to you properly but i just can't get a chance to do it. Even though I'm always beside you. Even though everybody knows. Still can't get a proper talk. I'm happy to see you, but at the same time, feeling down for not being able to talk to you.

anyway. a bit offended today. hmm. actually I'm really offended. I'm easy to talk to. just tell me to go and I'll go. just tell me to shut up and I'll shut up. just tell me not to listen and I won't listen. simple as that. I know you all don't trust me. but can tell me properly right?..

and another thing. I don't know if i should say anything about it but for you "no.1 and no.2".. i thought its ok to you. but from what I'm hearing it's not. I'm just bothered. Sorry if i didn't tell you. but i know that you guys will be against me if i did. I know that you will talk bad or think of something negative or feel something negative towards me. and even to yourselves.

no.1. (i don't know if you know that you're no.1) when you ask us to confess or to tell you the truth. I'm sensitive enough or I'm super sensitive to know that you're sad. I can tell in the way you react about it and the way you talk. but I can trust you with this right?.. maybe I'm a bit to fast or I didn't inform you. but i just hope you'll be happy for us. I LOVE HER and i think you can tell that I'm trying my best to make her happy. I hope that you will still be the same towards me and to her. if you have "hate" or you don't want me around or you don't want to see me or you have this feeling of being betrayed. I'll just accept it. but promise me not to be like that to her. I know that FRIENDSHIP is much important to her than me. I just want her and everybody happy.

no.2. (I also don't know if you know that you're no.2) I don't know what you two did in the past. I don't know what your relationship was like. I don't know what you two did before. I don't know how she acts in front of you. but for me. YOU'RE HER PAST AND I'M HER PRESENT. I knew that this will happen. I know that you still have feelings for her. I know how much you regret not being with her. But everybody needs to move on. you, me, her, and everyone around you. If last time she didn't do to you what she did to me today. then I hope you're not angry with me. You told me that you're happy for us. You told me to be happy. You told me that I did a good job. I just hope that you already accepted everything and don't get jealous. Everybody has moved on dude. and you also have to move on for yourself and to be truly able to tell me that you're happy for us. I know it takes time, but now is the time to start trying.

Sorry if it was sudden to the two of you. but i just hope that you're happy for her. NOT TO ME. but. FOR HER. she's happy right now and i don't want anything to ruin that. I just want to see you two happy to see her happy. curse me if you want. but making her happy is my priority. I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH THAT I CAN ACCEPT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO ME JUST TO MAKE HER HAPPY.

And LAST ONE! TO MY PARENTS-IN-LAW (next time if possisble. but i hope it is). hahaha. please give back her phone na. please!

WALAO!

i don't feel like going to church today. haay. but i have to go.

GAANO MO BA AKO KAMAHAL?

hmm. nothing. though i'm happy, still can't stop thinking about your answer.

1 week

I CAN'T SLEEP! I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU! =..(

SECRET!

lol. got nothing to do today. so boring at home. nothing to watch. my phone keep on shutting down. someone save me tmr. hahaha. hmm. Na, i think its not a secret anymore. hahaha. to everyone who knows. please. i'm begging everyone of you (imagine im kneeling down. hahaha). please don't tell anyone in church. especially the parents. not a single parent should know. please guys. i just don't want the same thing to happen to me two times. just keep everything to yourselves. i trust you people and i hope i can rely on you guys. ADVANCE THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH! =)

anyway, just want to share things that i learned in life. i don't know but i think i think of things that some people don't. i know im childish at times. very childish. haha but its just to make me you everyone happy. haha if im serious i think my maturity is a bit different than others. i think i give good advise or opinion to others. (Levi, am i right? coz if not then im wrong. haha) hmm. maybe i learned some of this "SKILLS" from my mom, experience in life, and my friends in phil. who are all open to each other.

MY POLICIES IN LIFE
"SECRET is only for two person. If there is a third party, it is not a secret anymore."
"LOVE someone who loves you back."
"Be HONEST about your feeling."
"RESPECT your friends."
"Be there if someone NEEDS you."
"WATCH peoples action, you may not know what they are hiding."
"Have PATIENCE always."
"The TRUTH will set you free."
"Always CLEAR things out if something is bothering you."
"Don't let other people see you SAD."
"Don't let anyone see you CRY."
"Give good ADVISE to your friends."
"If someone ask you for advise, always think WHAT IF you're in his/her situation."
"Be bothered if your friend was ANGRY at you."
"Don't react to what people says that didn't happened. REACT only if something actually happen or done in purpose."
"Always control your EMOTIONS."
"Always think that "Maybe he/she have a REASON" why he/she didn't do what you talked, planned, promised, anything that he/she was suppose to do."

haha. a lot huh?. want to know something more about me? hmm. i don't know why but i didn't really experience HATE. or i can say i never hated someone before. dunnoe why lah. i trust people easily. I forgive people easily. or maybe nobody did something really bad to me. haha i dunnoe why but i understand people easily. hmm. another thing. i'm good at guessing as long as i know whats happening around me. lol. i can catch people, i can know your feelings, i can know what you want just by talking to you. just by looking at your actions i know what you are thinking as long as i know your character.

haha. nothing lah. just saying this cause some people think that i'm making them look like a fool but i don't really mean it. im just saying it coz that's what i think. lol. and one more thing. Francis keeps on telling me that i have this "HAKI" from ONEPIECE. haha. hmm. how to explain ah?. hmm. its like a power or will that makes people follow you or agree with you. haha. really meh?.. next time don't want to talk already. haha. i make some people angry. SORRY.

hmm. now im going to play DAWN OF WAR II. dunnoe what time i finish. hahaha. Im sleeping early today. what i mean by early is EARLY IN THE MORNING. haha sleep 5am? 6am? 4am? haha. btw. tmr i want to see Na. hahaha. dunnoe lah. just want to see her for no reason. haha.

Na. star. haha



TM. la lang.

(",)

HELLO! =) hehe. finally some closure. lol. as usual. today i wake up late. haha do housework then went to yewtee to fetch Na. boring daw. hmm. therenz came back around 4.30. he's shocked to see Na at home. he doesn't know what to ask or say and just walked straight to our room and locked the door. haha. after that, 5.25 watch movie. when in rome. hehe. funny show. basically its a comedy love story and have good KISSING SCENES. hahaha.

7.30 reach roofgarden. sit on the usual place. talk. laugh. joke. silence. hehe. today i feel that we're closer. i know i still have to WAIT but at least some improvement. closer each day? ain't bad right? PATIENCE IS VIRTUE. =) so ok. we planned 8 go home. in the end 9 go home. hehe. while going home suddenly felt so hungry. =P

Reach home 9.45. gave my parents some crap. lol. they cannot say anything coz i did all my job at home. i even fry food for them.

To certain someone. from the start i know we're the one you were talking about and i'm not going to say this personally coz i think you should be already thinking of this. i appreciate and believe that you're sorry. but its ok if you don't have the courage to say it personally TO ME coz i'm not really the one you were calling names. i can understand coz we're not close and i'm just one of your normal friends. hmm. but one thing. its not that i want but i would appreciate if you could say it to her personally. if you don't really mean it and its only cause was sudden build up of emotions then i think you should really be sorry and tell that to her personally. just letting you know what i feel. sorry if i'm a bit defensive to her but if im her. i won't like people suddenly calling me like that. and especially if it is my friend. remember the GOLDEN RULE? anyway, i accept your apology. so it's ok with me already. but.. really... to tell you the truth i'm disappointed. sorry.

I DON'T CARE.

i don't care what people might say. what might they comment. what might they think. i don't care if im stupid. i don't care if people call me dog. i don't care if someone call me a flirt. i don't care if i don't have any taste at all. i didn't choose you because i just want someone to be with me. i didn't choose you because of looks. i didn't choose you because of what you can do. but i choose you because I LOVE YOU. i think there are things that other people don't see in you. but i want you just the way you are. I LOVE BEING WITH YOU. I LOVE SMILING WITH YOU. I LOVE TALKING WITH YOU. I LOVE YOU NaNa. =) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

.....

i don't know whats happening with some people. but really. for me, if anyone not happy with me. just tell me face to face so i know i did something wrong. i know im good at guessing. but i just wanted to be sure. i don't want to guess anymore. i don't want anyone to be angry at me and i don't know anything about it. haay.. someone tell me face to face. PLEASE. i'll just accept it and try me\y best to amend my mistakes.

IMISSYOU.

i want to see you. i want to talk to you. i want to be with you. i want you. but i know its not possible. there are things in this world that no matter how hard you try to achieve it, you just can't get a hold of it. i just want to see your smile. i just want to see you happy. I REALLY MISS YOU. EXTREMELY MISS YOU. =(

ABULELELELELE!

haha. alien language for saying "Hello there!". hahaha! i find it real funny. haha. never think of that. =) anyway. time check, going to 1am. so its already 7th of april. hehe. later going out with francis. repair my laptop. lol. repair. as in change the whole LCD screen. keep flickering and have lines at the bottom. but still can use lah. just don't want to waste the warranty. haha. hmm.. dunno what we were going to do after that. maybe watch how to train your dragon. hahaha. or other movie. or just lepak somewhere FIND GIRL!. joking only. hahaha.

THE TRUTH BEHIND THE LIES. hmm. why do people like to lie just to hide something. so why do people lie?.. here are some answers from a forum i found. haha. got nothing to do lah so search randomly and found this.

1. You lie because you fear what you assume will be the reaction of your audience to the truth. Keep in mind that the truth sets you free from the burden of creating and maintaining a lie.
2. They lie because they don't want to embarrass themselves or sometimes they are surrounded by people who are better than they are, so they lie and say they are better than they really are! People lie for many reasons.
3. The answer to why do people lie is complex. Here are some of the reasons. ... There is not one of us that could say, in all honesty, that we haven't lied on several occasions. Most people lie when they are afraid of what would happen if they told the truth.
4. Some people are pathological liars, having learned that they get a rush from manipulating others with lies. But most people lie when they are afraid of the consequences of telling the truth.
5. The flip side of why people lie is for gain: money, power, approval. ... That thought leads to another consideration. Whether people lie depends on their environment -- the likelihood of getting caught and what will happen if they are caught.
6. These people may have a diagnosis called antisocial personality disorder, also known as being a sociopath, and often get into scrapes with the law. Lying often gets worse with the passage of time. When you get away with a lie it often impels you to continue your deceptions.

lol. so for those people who always lie have this "antisocial personality disorder" or you're a sociopath. means a person, as a psychopathic personality, whose behavior is antisocial and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience. haha. so many things to say about lie. but really. whats your opinion?... why do people lie?..

CONFESSION.

no comment lol. happy. really happy today. but i think at some point im so boring to be with. i don't know what to say. what to ask. or where to go. i just wanted you to be happy. but i really can't think of anything. hahaha. maybe you also don't know what to do. or you don't talk because you're not (can i say) YET comfortable with me. but i hope you're happy. really happy being with me. anyway. DID I JUST CONFESS?... i know.. im happy just being with you. even if you're not talking or looking at me, you standing beside makes me really happy. it feels like you're the only person around me. staring at you makes me so speechless. seeing you smile completes my day. i know i didn't want you to go.. i wanted to talk to you more. when its starting to get better. when the mood is starting to build up. you have to go. understand the situation. and i know i don't have the right to stop you coz im just a friend. not even a close friend. BUT! DID I REALLY CONFESS?... JUST LIKE THAT.. "stupid! you dunno what to say then must say that ah?! stupid!" talking to myself. haha. but really. im sad that you have to go BUT REALLY! I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT! its to early to say that. and whats the stupidest thing i did. i said it TWICE!.. i said it TWICE!. haha. but the truth is.. that's what i feel since i started to get to know you... day by day.. week by week. (haha.. cannot say month by month.).. the more this feelings grow. i know i shouldn't expect anything coz you're kinda giving up already. there are guys who are closer to you. people who like you or still like you. but that's what i really feel. maybe the second time i said it was in a joking way but really.. I JUST COULDN'T HIDE MY FEELINGS ANYMORE!. its really hard keeping it all by myself. but i hope you will still talk to me. even if its just a friend.

Secondhand Serenade
Take Me With You lyrics

HAPPY!

hahaha! very happy today. =) can't explain my feeling. hahahaha! though something happened that made me really worried. but in the end. im really happy. hahahaha.. super happy.. =)

CONFUSED.

hmm. very confuse right now? thinking of all the possibilities. thinking of what will happen next. thinking of what does it really mean. now i'm waiting. waiting for the answer. but now must be happy. must think positive. later going out. don't want anyone thing that there is something bothering me. must act normal. hmm. thinking positive. hmm.. not giving up/giving up.. at least there might be 50/50 chance. maybe not so confident lah. 20/80? or 30/70? haha.. at least still have something to hope for. haha.. enough for me.. at least i'm still there.. better than don't have anything at all. =) but still have a lot of questions. WHO? WHAT? WHY? WHEN? WHERE? HOW?. hahaha.. really a lot. hehe. but all i can do is wait for someone. wait for reply. wait for answers. wait for what might happen next. haha.

ok. another phrase. "ONE WORD CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING." correct or not?.. ok lah. maybe not one word. but if you say something to someone you can't return the time just to change what you already said right?.. so be mindful of every word you say. it might create confusions, hatred, or misunderstanding. but of course lah. the out come depends on what you say. haha. so it also can create happiness, joy, comfort, etc. actually i just realized it yesterday. haha. and thanks to yvonne. she said thats why everybody sad because everything i say are sad thoughts. hehe. so maybe i'm right from the start to keep everything myself. always act happy. hide my feelings. lol. emo again. haha.

I REALLY CAN'T WAIT! but i have to wait. hahaha. anyone understands or get what i mean?...

THIS IS THE STATE OF MY HEART RIGHT NOW

BROKEN.

Can't sleep.

hmm. change my music. all from Secondhand Serenade. get the hang of listening to their songs whenever i'm lonely. anyway. i made the arrangement random. can't think straight. can't sleep. worried. scared. wondering. dunno what to do anymore. hehe. thinking of all those things at the same time. sounds stupid? haha. i also thought of quitting MUSIC MINISTRY this coming saturday or sunday. haha. dunno lah. i just think i'm not worth it. then if i stand there later some people might say something. must be HOLY to be able to stand there. lol and i admit that i'm not. hmm. i found this video. i find it funny.

SO SAD.

Bakit ba nanyayari sa akin to?.. alam ko na-disappoint ka sa akin. alam ko na hindi ka masaya na nakikita ako. ramdam ko naman poh. hindi naman poh ako manhid. alam ko na failure ako. na useless ako. pero kakita ko kasalanan ko. na-realize ko na yung consequence ko. nagtatry na nga ako magbago. tinutulungan pa nga kita kasi alam ko hindi moh kaya lahat yon. Bakit ka ganyan? konti bagay lang, chineck ko pa nga yan ng ilang beses kung tama gawa ko. nung tinanong moh n "sigurado bang tama to?" sinabi ko naman n opoh diba? bakit ang dami moh pa sinabi? alam ko wala ka na tiwala sa akin. hindi ako mabuting anak. na wala ako pakinabang. na PABIGAT LANG AKO SA BAHAY NA ITO. pero hindi moh naman kailangan na pamukha moh pa sa akin lahat ng mali ko. lahat ng konting bahay na hindi ko magawa. masama naman ako lagi sa paningin niyo. kailan n ba kayo naging proud sa akin? yung proud na dahil yun ako. na ok lang kasi un lang kaya ko gawin. na maging masaya sa mga nagagawa ko. lagi na lang akong mali. haay. even if i am trying to change. to impress you. when i have the courage to do something. lagi ninyo na lang ako dina-down. i don't know if i should have friends because if your looking down on me. if your not giving me a chance. then how can my friends give me the chance i need to change? to prove im something if you yourself doesn't give me the courage to do so. i need your support not your scolding. i need love. care. that's all what i wanted. pakiramdam ko left out ako. that i don't deserve somebody or chances. pakiramdam ko nag iisa lang ako. lagi na lang ganito. lagi na lang ako hindi masaya.



PS:
im did my reflection. i'm wrong and i
know i shouldn't have acted like that.
sorry for being immature. sorry for
being a jerk. emotions can get uncontrollable
sometimes. sorry. im very sorry. haiz.
it ok if you don't want to talk to me anymore.
i'll accept your decision. hoping that
at least you could forgive me. just that and
that's enough for me. haay. i guess i just have to wait.
i'm really sorry. btw, just in case you find it wrong.
the above part is not you. just to avoid confusion.
sry.

for someone whose not mentioned.