EMO.

Feeling so emo right now. fuck. just realized how much a failure i am. people don't deserve second chance. even if someone gave you a chance, they still won't forget what you did. or how undeserving you are. if you like someone, you care for them. seeing how useless i am to them. in not even being compared. the gap is too big. thinking of it is just a fantasy. maybe should stop chasing someone i can't reach. i hate being not the one. hate being always the last person you talk to. hate being not important. but i can't blame you. because i know im just a failure. i know im not important. i know im not in any no. or anything. just content of seeing you happy. i guess i will just sit quietly and wait for you to talk to me if you need someone like me.

TAMPURUTZ!

Got nothing to post ah. haha. so boring at home. dunno what to do?.. hmm.. LOVING TWO PERSON AT THE SAME TIME?.. possible or not?..

SORRY

I didn't mean it to happen this way. i didn't mean to hide to you. i didn't mean to make you sad. i just wanted to know your true feelings. i hope everything will be fine. sorry for everything. i hope were still friends. or i hope that your not mad at me. sorry to bother you so much.

to someone whose not mentioned.

I DON'T LIKE THIS DAY.

Sunday routine. go early to church. And today is "ARAW NG PASASALAMAT" or "THANKS GIVING DAY". I don't really feel this day. i dunnoe. i just hate it. haiz. 8.45am reach church for music prayer meeting, practice, then waste 2-3 hours doing nothing. actually i'm happy this morning while going to church. but after the stupid practice.......................... see something.............................. can't get to look at someone in the eye................. dunnoe lah! i just hate this day. and it didn't just stop there. i'll tell you later. hmm.. so after that service. handmime. sis janice made mistake and the preaching was not boring. funny. and here comes the but. even though its funny. can't make myself to be really happy. after service. eating and i really don't know what to do. haay. went to china square or something. just lepak there only. ok. to be honest. some parts i'm enjoying. but the same feeling is still there. keep on seeing things that i shouldn't react or feel anything coz i'm not suppose to. i don't have the authority or the right to feel this way. but i couldn't help myself but to feel that way. so tried to cheer myself up and talk in front of everyone. talk crap. say stupid things just to help me forget. 7.30pm go home. in the mrt i dun feel like talking. dun feel like smiling. no matter how far, any situation there is. still the same thing will happen. its like magnet. attract and repel. but i can only see the attraction. fuck sia. going down the train, feel so emo. dunno if i should be happy or not. AARRGGHH!! I HATE THIS DAY!!!



PS to NO.3
i'm suspecting two person.
but the other one was really doing things
that would make me think it is you.
SHITNESS naman oh!
hindi na nakakatuwa. lalo lang ako naaasar.
(just said it in tagalog coz sounds nicer)
ACTIONS REALLY SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.

ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.

Went to church the whole day. me and francis reach so early sia. 12.30 we at church already. we were the only one there. after awhile lanie came. "WAH! SO EARLY AH!" of course lah! later you complain here complain there. =P then one by one came and in the end started around 1.20pm or something. should have never come early. so normal day and usually some people will skip.

Anyway, ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS!. anyone agree with this?... hmm.. just thought of it because of someone. hahaha. you know who you are. still want to deny but you said it yourself that you agree with this. hahaha. hmm.. i agree with this because people are not "MANHID" or "NUMB". people have feelings. they can lie but they can't hide their feelings. and feelings or emotions produce actions. for example. You can say that you don't like this person but:

1. You keep on talking about him/her.
2. You keep looking at him/her for no reason.
3. You keep on daydreaming, thinking about him/her.
4. You keep on talking to him/her.
5. You're out with your friends and they can't talk to you because him/her is with you.(extreme cases)
6. When someone with the opposite sex is beside him/her you get angry for no reason. (another extreme cases)
7. When people ask you. "You like him, don't you?". you turn red like tomato. (lol. super extreme case)

ok lah. maybe not realistic. hmm. one good example. you tell people that your not angry mad or hate me. then when i give you something you say thank you but your face like jizz like that. hahaha. hmm.. why don't we change the phrase. WITH YOUR ACTIONS I KNOW EVERYTHING. hmm.. example. You're talking with your friends and everybody seems to be doing their own thing. what will this make you think? "i'm not interested, shut up."... hmm.. another example. You're with your friends and going to play something. but its a team game so must split the group into two. so the two captain will pick the team members and here comes the last two people. you and me. (example only) then one of the captain picked me instead of you. lol. then when you face your teammates their faces cram. like see ghost like that. of course you will know that nobody wants you lah. actually i have a lot more of examples but no need to say everything coz i think all of you get what i mean. lol. talking crap again. hehe.

end na here. coz 2am again. later have church. must go early. and as usual going to post this 11.59pm. hehe.

POOL!

today went out to play pool. actually its suppose to be last tuesday coz randolph have camp. but in the end change to wednesday. so wednesday came and changed it again to thursday because we cannot make up or mind. so its thursday, me and francis were the only one available. melvin "GO OUT WITH FRIENDS". brian never reply early because of school. levi dunno lah. haha.. so no choice but today only coz dun have cell meeting. Anyone notice that its more convenient when there's no cell meeting?.. anyway. in the end, we ended up with 4 person only (Francis, Brian, Levi and me), but we still did have fun.

3pm reach bukit timah (i dunnoe what the building was called, all i know is the building is color pink. =) haha). suppose to play below IRC $2/hour but the place was full. so no choice but to play in IRC which is normally $6/hour but its friday so its $7.80/hour. haha. so can say its 3times more but i don't mind coz IRC i 3time better than the $2 place.

lose a lot of time. never play good today. hehe. so we're playing and francis keeps making the shotgun sound whenever his turn comes. haha. so stupid. feel so embarrassed when he makes the stupid faces and sounds especially the place is full house. haha. but that's what make him funny. dunno suddenly started talking about what type of gun we were using. haha. i use sniper because i can get the ball in when its far but close range cannot. haha. suppose to be opposite. then brian the opposite of mine so he use pistol. levi rifle coz he just like it. =)

hmm. took some picture.



















here are some pictures taken just for fun.















so after playing pool, went to eat at mac. stay there until 7pm. then walk around the area and talk about L4D and stuff. we saw this family clinic and there's a water dispenser inside. so we wanted to play a prank and planed to go in, just take some water and walk away. me and levi went in and took some water. lol then the assistant says "excuse me, what are you doing?" haha. so i replied "oh, sry, just wanted to take some water." then the assistant said " ok, but you need to ask for permission first". haha. prank FAIL!. so what i did was take some water sit, drink, and walk away. levi was WTF! haha. i was WTH! hehe. francis took a video so ask him if you want to see it. continued walking until we reach ngee ann poly. hmm.. here are some pictures but its dark.














walked around ngee ann poly then all planned to go home. levi took his bus and we took ours but ended up staying at the park near brian house. talk a lot of stupid things. so funny. but later part we talk about scary things. haha. we walked brian to his block lift(he dun wan to go home alone. hahaha!). then me and francis walk to mrt. still talking about scary stuff. francis say he scared to go home alone. hahaha. he took mrt i took bus. reach home around 10.45pm. now so tired. eat a bit watch tv and now blogging. its 2am but im gonna post it 11.59pm. haha. have so much fun today. haha. now the spoiler part. later got church. FORCE service. i dun like it but i have to go. so gotta sleep na. hehe. nights. takecares. i sound so girly.

200 views!

with this post. i officially achieved 200 views since i started this blog. haha..

STOP.

STOP DAY DREAMING AND FACE REALITY.
STOP BEING STUPID, USE YOUR HEAD.
STOP ASKING QUESTIONS WHEN YOU KNOW THE ANSWERS.
STOP SAYING WORDS THAT NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND.
STOP TALKING TO THE PERSON WHEN HE/SHE DOESN'T WANT TO.
STOP BEING AN IDIOT, THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS.
STOP ACTING RIGHT WHEN YOU KNOW YOU WERE WRONG.
STOP BEING A POSER AND KNOW YOUR PLACE.
STOP DOING THINGS THAT WON'T MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY.
STOP THINKING THAT SHE LIKES YOU WHEN YOU KNOW SHE'S NOT.

DENDEN MUSHI

lol. while watching kamen rider double they have this new gadget and when they press the button its says "DENDEN". wtf. i started laughing coz it reminds me of denise. so after that it transformed into snail. thats when i realize that denden in japanese is snail. hahaha. stupid me. watching onepiece all the time and saw them using the denden mushi once in awhile and i just realize it.

WANTED TO BE WITH YOU.

I'M NOTHING SPECIAL.

I think people look down on me. even my own friends. even the people i look up to. i'm being neglected. i'm not sure but that's what i feel. i feel that some people would be happier if i'm not around. i'm nothing special. i don't have appeal to anyone. may be some people thinks i'm irritating. i'm just plain boring. i may look happy outside but inside i'm tearing apart. its just my self-defense. i try to hide my true feelings so i won't make anyone sad or think about me. i'm just happy that no one notice it. i'm posting this so i can reflect on myself. i'll improve myself for some who neglect my existence in this world. for some who doesn't realize my talents. i'll show every single one of you that MARTHEO GENEREV MAALA VALERA can be something. so you won't forget my name. so you can see what efforts i made. so you can mention my name and tell everyone that i'm improving. i'm sorry if i hit someone. but beware. i promise that this is going to happen... i swear...

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

What is this?!!! Shouldn't feel like this!!! I'm SO SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOO STUPID! DUMB FUCK! FUCKING IDIOT! COCK SHIT! KNN! LJ! KP! BODO! DOG! NO BALL! HAIRLESS GORILLA! RETARDED! ONE INCH BIRD! ALL THE SHIT YOU CAN THINK OF!!!!.... shouldn't be like this!!! ARRRGHHHH!!! HATE MYSELF!!!!!! dunno why am i like this....... physical, mental, and SPIRITUAL breakdown................................................ WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

I QUIT!

A lot of things happened today. haiz. dun feel like posting. dunno. going to sleep already. no mood to go online. ................................................................................................ anyway, its not about what the music thingy. i think tmr then post about that. suddenly like no mood. nyts. hope your all happy.

HONEST.

Contact lens? do i look different? am i not funny anymore?. haha.. make me feel like people dun wan to talk to me. hahaha. hmm. went to church late. ok i'll be polite. SIS NANCY. talked about courting thingy. marriage. hmm. call me immature. haha. but i think that's there opinion and i have mine. get what i mean?.

anyway. played basketball for a while (may be burn some fats). haha. went home and wtf. got nothing to do leh! i let my brother use my laptop coz my mother nag me about using it most of the time but IT'S MINE! lol. ok guys. i message steph for the night. maybe some people will think different (specially some people. you know who you are) but just to avoid confusions, my reason is just got nobody to talk to. i'm just getting bored doing nothing. lol. and what is this? "HAHA, don't trust me first.. If you really wanted to, don't completely trust me. Want to know why? You'll know someday.." if someone told you that? whats your reaction?... haha.. the word you'll know someday made me so curious about what should i know. =)

WHAT WILL YOU DO IF YOU CAN STOP TIME?

Most boring day ever. walao! never do anything fun or interesting. house chores, eat, sleep, and use com. wtf! stayed at home for 3 days doing the same thing. anyway, tomorrow is Thursday. and what's so special about thursday? MY THURSDAY HABIT! haha! call francis, go his house, play card, talk, and basketball. hehe. may be some of the youth boys going. i'm also not sure myself coz got errand to do tmr. hopefully can finish it really fast and my parents let me go. =)

WHAT WILL YOU DO IF YOU CAN STOP TIME?.. just thought of it while doing nothing and it made me really curious.what if i can stop time? wouldn't it be cool? if someone make fun if you in class you can just stop the time and give him a strong punch! no one would know. I also thought of people might abuse that kind of power. Like robbing a bank. or hahaha! molest a woman in a lift?...... hehehe.. one of my school friend told me that. hmm. for girls. maybe what they would do is when they saw their crushes they will just stop the time and kiss them. haha. take advantage of power ah?. maybe the T.V. show "HEROES" is real? what if, your taking the MRT and the person next to you have powers? hahaha.. i think i'm talking crap but it really intrigues me. wish i can stop time. If I can stop time, I will stop the time the moment she smiles at me and stare at her for hours. hmm. not realistic. maybe just stop time and find a good angle and take picture of her. hehe =)

THE MYSTERIES OF TOMORROW.

Well, i just stayed home today. haha. nothing really happened except for my nieghbor in philippines who migrated here in SG visit today. hahahaha. Think positive! At least something different happened. hahahaha.

Can anyone suggest a good ANIME to watch? haha. Just finish watching "Eyeshield 21". hmm. My personal record. 145 episodes just in 5 days. i find it hardcore. HAHAHA! now i can't think of anything to watch. I regret watching so many episodes in one day. hahahaha.

Anyway, looking forward for tomorrow. Anyone want to play Digimon? hahaha.




NO! SORRY! THIS IS THE RIGHT PICTURE. =P

Bored.

YA-HA!!!!



i just love hiruma. not being a gay and its an anime. haha. just love his character. YA-HA!!! =)



Commander of hell. cool bastard. hahaha..

I'm BACK!!

i'm back to blogging. =) just thought of it. hehe. forgot how to use. last time i used blog was dec. 14 2008. hahaha before DCD. haha.

anyway its my birthdat ytd. haha finally 18 years old. haha. can do more stuff. haha. also can have girlfriend without the church got to do with it. HAHAHAHA! i'm 18! haha.

today. did my every sunday routine. wake up 7am. reach 8.30-9am to church. practice, service, eat and practice again. boring isn't? hahaha. anyway, thanks to my friends. they always made my days meaningful. =) btw. i reach home 9pm. haha 13hours outside.
hmm. i'll try to put something to make my blog interesting. but not today. tired. haha.. i'll post again tmr. hope i found something to blog about. haha. nyts.. =)